


Kaleidoscope

by cornstarchandwater96



Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Did I Mention Angst?, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Painter!Jinyoung, Soulmates, give jackson a hug too while you’re at it, idol!Jackson, please give jinyoung a hug he deserves it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:00:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22559038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cornstarchandwater96/pseuds/cornstarchandwater96
Summary: “When you see your soulmate, the colors fade away, Jinyoungie. You can only see color on your soulmate. Your eyes will only see your soulmate. Isn’t that romantic?”World Star Jackson Wang always dreamed of meeting the person destined for him.Artist Park Jinyoung would rather be blinded than meet his soulmate.A Jinson Color-Based Soulmate AU. (Side Yugbam and Markbeom)
Relationships: Im Jaebum | JB/Mark Tuan, Kunpimook Bhuwakul | BamBam/Kim Yugyeom, Park Jinyoung/Jackson Wang
Comments: 39
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with a multi-chap fic! Can you believe I actually had the guts to post this???
> 
> Anyway, this whole fic was inspired by Jinyoung's scene in the If You Do m/v where he's trashing his art studio. There's just something with that scene that hit me hard, y'know?
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy reading! Might make this a series with multiple fics, idk. We'll see~

Park Jinyoung liked to believe he was a simple man with an ample stroke of passion in his veins.

Passion was everyone’s driving force.

What would life be without it, right?

“You haven’t slept.”

Jinyoung finished the last count of his choreography with a graceful turn to hide his surprise at his best friend’s sudden appearance. He looked up and glared at Jaebeom through the mirror as he paused the music and took a quick glance at the wall clock, the bright red digits blinking harshly at him.

2:34 AM

Jaebeom returned his glare with an exasperated - yet slightly fond - look of his own, chuckling at Jinyoung’s appearance. 

Dark circles under his eyes, and an unbelievable amount of red, yellow, and orange paint flecked all over his hair, face, oversized hoodie, and sweatpants.

“Had to work on my thesis.” Jinyoung mumbled in reply.

“Honestly, Nyoung, sometimes I wonder if you’re actually a Dance major, what with all the time you spend painting.” Jaebeom handed his best friend a water bottle and a vitamin pack before he sat on the floor, back leaning against the studio mirror. 

“Bambam was worried, you know? I mean who wouldn’t be if their roommate - who spent a whole week in his makeshift art studio, mind you - suddenly ran out of the room and apartment looking like a zombie from the apocalypse? You didn’t even tell him where you went! And that was yesterday!”

Jinyoung huffed and sat down beside Jaebeom, drinking the bright yellow vitamin pack like it was his lifeline. 

“Sorry, hyung. It took a while, but inspiration finally hit, y’know? For weeks, I didn’t know how to pull off my thesis. I don’t even know why I thought of incorporating paint strokes with choreography. I had no starting point and no idea what to do until something clicked last night. It couldn’t wait until the morning.”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes, but stood up and wordlessly pulled Jinyoung with him out of the studio.

So maybe Jinyoung had a _lot_ of passion in his veins.

Sometimes, that passion would bleed into every aspect of his life - his choreography, his dance troupe, his studies, and even into the relationships he’s had the past few years.

Relationships that were good enough, but deep _deep_ down, didn’t feel right.

And yet, all he felt about it was relief. He could live with it.

As long as he still had color in his life.

—

_“Mama, what’s a soulmate??”_

_Jinyoung asked his grandmother, who was carefully carding her fingers through the 7-year-old’s hair to comb away the dried up paint entangled between the wavy locks._

_He was sitting on his grandfather’s lap, watching every minute movement of his paintbrush along the palette - pretty colors blending into even prettier colors._

_“A soulmate is a very special person, Jinyoungie. You and your soulmate share a one-of-a-kind bond. It just means that your personalities match perfectly, honey. Someday, you’ll love them as much as your mom loves your dad or as much as I love your grandpa.” His grandmother said, patting his head. “And when you meet your soulmate, it’s the most memorable moment in your life.”_

_“Memr-memorable..?” Jinyoung scrunched his nose, not understanding all of his grandmother’s words completely._

_“Memorable means you won’t ever forget that time in your life.”_

_“Why?”_

_“When you see your soulmate, the colors fade away, Jinyoungie. You can only see color on your soulmate. Your eyes will only see your soulmate. Isn’t that romantic?”_

_As the little boy tried to process his grandmother’s words, big, brown irises gradually filled with tears. He looked up at his grandparents, his lip trembling slightly._

_“I don’t wanna lose all the pretty colors! I don’t wanna!” His grandfather pulled Jinyoung closer to his warm chest._

_It took a long time for his cries to calm down._

_“Dada... Were you okay...? When the colors were... taken away...?” He asked between gulps of air, his lungs burning, his eyes swollen and red._

_The image of his grandfather’s sad smile haunted him for years._

—

“I really have to go back to the studio, hyung.”

Jaebeom grunted, obviously not pleased with Jinyoung’s tendency to be too immersed in his work.

“No. You’re coming back with me to your apartment so I won’t have to deal with Bambam. I swear, the kid could combust with all the annoying energy he has.”

Jinyoung laughed. He was far too acquainted with Bambam’s antics. His roommate was a diva and a brat on most days, but there was no doubt that the Thai boy was one of his best friends. The same was true for Bambam’s soulmate, and long-time boyfriend, Kim Yugyeom. His friends kept him sane all these years, and even if he was graduating soon, he knew they wouldn’t stop being his family. The three of them met in high school, and the rest was history.

“Well, you know how much of a lowkey worrywart he can be, hyung. He tries to pretend that he doesn’t care when we’re around but when we aren’t there with him, he turns into this weird protective baby...” Jinyoung grinned at Jaebeom and they laughed. Jinyoung relaxed and finally stopped resisting Jaebeom’s pull, letting the fatigue get to him.

They spent the rest of the walk in comfortable silence, accompanied by yellows, pinks, and purples from the various neon signs along the way.

They finally got to the apartment building, all imposing grays and blacks. They both filed into the steel gray elevator and Jinyoung sighed as he leaned against the cool metallic wall.

“Go ahead, Nyoung. I’ll go up to my unit first to turn the wifi router on, then I’ll head down after.” Jaebeom mumbled. “Someday I’m really gonna change my password without telling you so you won’t keep leeching off of my wifi connection, brat.”

Jinyoung just grinned up at the older. “You won’t, because auntie won’t ever let you do it. Your mom loves me! And you love me, hyung. You would never leave your broke best friend to fend for his own, starve, and die a slow but painful death...!” He said cheekily as he stepped out when the elevator stopped on his floor. “Also please bring down a pack of ramyun! Bam and I just ran out!”

Jaebeom rolled his eyes and yelled out just as the elevator doors started to close. “Aish, use your own money for once! You’re far from broke!”

Jinyoung smiled to himself. Jaebeom always berated him like that, but he knew that his hyung didn’t really mean it. They had been best friends ever since they were toddlers, so Jaebeom knew and understood him the most. 

His hyung understood his choice to live like a regular Struggling Uni Student, and that was enough for him. The older would most definitely still bring down packs of ramyun in a few minutes.

Shaking his head in amusement, he placed his palm against the keypad and the bright blue numbers glowed into existence. He keyed in the password to the apartment he shared with Bambam before opening the door. Toeing off his shoes, he padded into the flat. It was definitely more than enough space for two, with a large living room, two bedrooms, a modern-looking kitchen, and a guest room that Jinyoung converted into an art studio. 

The living room was his favorite - soft, cream-colored walls were complemented by a large navy blue bookshelf, a matching couch, and one of Jinyoung’s earlier paintings that brightened up the adjacent wall.  
  


His head snapped up when he heard sniffling from one of the rooms.

He shuffled to his friend’s room and knocked on the younger’s door. “Bam? Is something wrong...?”

The door opened to reveal a distraught looking Bambam.

“Hyung! Oh my god, **_finally_ ** ! This big oaf has been crying for the past hour, and not even my neck kisses work! You _know_ how well my neck kisses work!!” 

“Thanks Bambam, I didn’t particularly need that reminder.” Jinyoung grimaced in fake-disgust before sighing and placing a comforting hand on the Business major’s shoulder. “Slow down. Breathe. What happened?”

Bambam wordlessly dragged Jinyoung into his room, stopping in front of his bed where the giant baby of a sophomore lay curled up on his side, Bambam’s light blue pillowcase slowly bleeding into navy with his tears.

Jinyoung sat on the edge of the bed, his hand automatically burying itself in Yugyeom’s hair as a show of comfort.

Though, it probably wasn’t the best idea, as Yugyeom started to cry harder.

“T-They’re taking it away...” the youngest mumbled into the pillow. “Hyung, they’re taking a-away my scholarship... they said- said that I was... that I wasn’t a good enough investment-” Yugyeom explained between hiccups, and Jinyoung felt his friend’s devastation all the way up to his chest. 

He rarely showed how fond he was of Yugyeom, but his younger friend was like a little brother to him, and seeing him like this pulled at his heartstrings more than he wanted to admit. That, coupled with his inability to say no to one of his long-time friends, got the gears in his mind to turn.

After a beat of silence, his next decision felt as natural as a breath of fresh air.

“Let me pay for your tuition from now on, Gyeom.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you SO MUCH to [omgahgase](https://archiveofourown.org/users/omgahgase/pseuds/omgahgase) for beta-ing this fic, and for thinking this is worth an ao3 post. ilysm ♥︎♥︎♥︎♥︎


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys~ I can now confidently say that I will be updating this fic every week!
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this update. (*･ω･)ﾉ ♡

Wang Jia Er liked to believe that he was _overflowing_ with passion. He admits he has too much to know what to do with it. 

So he takes all the passion he has, and tries to channel it to everything at once. He tries to make friends with everyone, makes sure he has time for his family, joins the fencing varsity, says yes to organizing the school festival, joins Yi En when he asks to pair up for rap battles — _everything_. 

It’s a whirlwind kind of life, ultimately filled with amazing highs followed by exhausting lows, but Jia Er likes it. He _revels_ in the thrill of it all. Living like this makes him feel important, feel needed, feel like there’s no gaping hole deep _deep_ in his heart.

There really wouldn’t be much point in living without some passion, right?

—

_“I have to do this, Yi En ge. It feels like the most natural thing I’ve ever done. And honestly? This is the first decision I made for myself.”_

_“You know that I’m proud of you, right? No matter what?” There was a beat of silence as the two best friends couldn’t find it in themselves to look at each other. Jia Er knew that if he looked Yi En in the eye even for a split second, he’d start to doubt his decision._

_He couldn’t hesitate on this. He couldn’t let Yi En affect the one thing he had been agonizing over for weeks._

_“Does it really have to be so far…? You work so hard, you forget about yourself a lot… who knows how you’ll take care of yourself without auntie or me near you.” Yi En joked, and the two shared a laugh._

_“Please. Let me do this. It’s all I want.”_

_“Are you a hundred percent sure? This is your whole life, Jiajia. We haven’t even graduated high school. You know English, Mandarin, and Cantonese; languages that no one uses over there. The only Korean you know is whatever you picked up from all the G-Dragon songs you’ve been listening to-”_

_“I’m sure. I would bet my life on it. I would bet my heart on it.”_

_“Okay. I’m convinced, but I’m not too sold on you going to Korea alone.”_

_Jia Er finally looked up at his friend, protest already on the tip of his tongue when Yi En cut him off._

_“I’m coming with you. This isn’t up for negotiation.”_

—

If one were to ask Jia Er what gets him to wake up every morning, gets his blood pumping through his veins, gets him to feel _alive_ , he would answer in a heartbeat.

Performing.

As someone who grew up in Hong Kong with the likes of Jay Chou, Andy Lau, Wang Leehom, and Fahrenheit to look up to, Jia Er was borderline _obsessed_ with the Chinese pop scene. The synths and beats associated with pop music became a staple in Jia Er’s childhood and stuck with him since then. He enjoyed watching them give their all on stage, singing and dancing like they were born to do so. 

He wanted that life for him, too. And that feeling just intensified when he was in high school and befriended Yi En. There was no doubt in his mind that meeting Yi En changed his life forever.

Because Yi En was the person who introduced him to Bigbang.

He was proud to call himself a VIP, and he could admit that Kwon Jiyong was a huge influence in his life. Because of him, Jia Er got into rapping and producing music. Because of him, he became more serious about his rap collaborations with Yi En for school events, and even went to dancing and singing lessons. Because of him, Jia Er eventually sent an audition tape to JEnt on his own volition, thinking that it was the entertainment company that Bigbang was signed under.

It turned out that Bigbang was not under the said company, and he felt incredibly stupid about it for a week (how was he supposed to know there were so many entertainment companies, really?), but Jackson decided not to pull out his application in the hopes that, one day, he’d still make it big doing something he loved to do.

So when he got the call from the CEO of JEnt to fly to Korea for a live audition, he couldn’t contain his joy and screamed a “YES!” over the phone with a grin so wide it looked like it was going to split his face in two.

—

_“Ma, there’s something I wanna talk to you about.”_

_“Is this about your audition, Gaga?” Sophia Wang looked up at him with a knowing look, and grinned._

_“I- How did you find out about that…? What do you know??”_

_“I know that it makes you happy, Jia Er. Who am I to keep you from what makes you happy?”_

_“You’re my mom, though. Shouldn’t that count?” he whined, giving his mother a tight hug, and squishing his cheeks against hers, as if she would disappear if he didn’t do so._

_“Do you want to go to Korea or not, Gaga?” His mom rolled her eyes and lightly flicked Jia Er’s forehead._

_“I DO! I really do. Thank you, Mama.”_

_“Then what are you afraid of…?”_

_“Who says I’m-”_

_“One look at you and I can figure you out. You’re terrified, aren’t you?”_

_“...I think I am.”_

_“Of what, dear?” His mom asked, gently draping an arm around his shoulder to pull him closer._

_“Remember how you would put me to sleep with the same bedtime story? The one about soulmates?” He mumbled, and his mom just nodded in agreement._

_“What if I find my soulmate, but because I want to be a singer, we can’t be together…?”_

_His mom smiled sadly and stroked her fingers through his hair in an attempt to soothe her precious son._

_“What if other people won’t allow us to be together? Or what if we get together but we can’t show it? My soulmate would hate me, Mama. Or at the very least, they would get tired of me.” He said, eyes starting to become moist with unshed tears._

_But he longed for his soulmate, still._

_Jia Er had always dreamt of finding his soulmate. He felt like a hopeless romantic, but he never wanted to stop longing for the one destined for him._

_His mother used to tell him stories upon stories of people meeting the_ **_one_ ** _they were meant to be with, and he was fascinated by the idea that someone out there was meant to love him - to love all of him because he would love all of them just the same._

_Ever since he decided what he wanted to become in the future, he couldn’t help but wonder how his life with his soulmate would turn out. He’d agonize over it for days on end, but until he met his soulmate, his questions and doubts couldn’t be answered._

_“Even through tough times, the bond you share with your soulmate can never break that easily, dear. Your soulmate will be the presence that guides you to where you’re meant to be, to who you’re meant to become. He or she would complete you, Gaga. Because your soulmate is your North Star.”_

—

**BREAKING NEWS**

23 July 2014

**JEnt’s Jackson Wang Bags 7 Music Show Awards with his Debut Single**

JEnt brings another new artist into the limelight this month. Wang Jia Er, better known by his English name **Jackson Wang** , kick-started his idol career a week ago with his debut showcase. He quickly gained a huge following overnight, as everywhere you look, fans would be singing along and bobbing their heads to his hit debut single **“Made It”**. (See p. E23 for more details…)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning: my heart hurt so much while writing this chapter :'( You guys have no idea how many breaks I took in between just to process my feelings HAHASDFGHJ
> 
> Enjoy the angst, friends~

Sometimes, Jinyoung felt like he was two different people at once.

On one hand, he was the Park Jinyoung that he didn’t like much. The one who had so much anger and hate in him. The one who kept trying and failing to live up to his parents’ expectations; who had no freedom to choose what he wanted for himself. If he wanted to feel love and care from his parents, all he could do was follow their orders. He was the Jinyoung whose heart was carefully guarded by too many walls, and whose only goal was to make his parents proud.

He hated that Jinyoung, but often times, this version of him won out. To most of his classmates and acquaintances, Jinyoung was a cold, serious guy who rarely interacted with anyone.

On the other hand, he was also the Park Jinyoung who loved to express himself. Whether it be through his countless artworks, or through his intricate movements, Jinyoung thrived, because art was his element. This Jinyoung cared a lot about his friends and grandparents. 

This was the side that would come out every time he was with people he trusted. Because this Jinyoung was the _real_ Jinyoung, and he only let a few people see that side of him. 

—

Yugyeom’s head suddenly jerked up, his soft brown eyes widening as he took in Jinyoung’s words. “Hyung… what-”

“I’m serious.”

“But hyung, your parents-” Bambam spoke, since his boyfriend was mute in either shock or contemplation. “You said you’d never use their money. Hyung, you even decided to do a part-time job because you wanted to rebel!”

“Exactly. I haven’t touched the money in my bank account for years, so I might as well use that money for something worth it.” Jinyoung shrugged, his calm demeanor hiding his anger well. “Besides, as far as I’m concerned, Mama and Papa are my parents. The people who put money in my bank account every month, yet didn’t bother to show up for the past 15 years? They’re strangers to me.”

“Are you sure you want to spend that much money on me?” Yugyeom finally spoke.

“Never been more sure, Gyeom-ah.” Jinyoung said with a rare soft smile, bringing the youngest into a half-hug. “The money had to go somewhere, right?”

“Oh my god, Jinyoung hyung is Yuggie’s _sugar daddy_ now! Can you be my daddy too, hyung??” Bambam joked, causing Jinyoung to throw a nearby pillow at him in response. In an instant, the somber mood brightened and Yugyeom’s blinding smile returned.

“So is anyone gonna tell me what’s going on, or am I just gonna assume that you guys are secretly 12-year-old girls having a pillow fight?”

The three boys turned their heads to look up at Jaebeom, who was leaning on the doorway. The eldest had his arms crossed in front of his chest, the red packs of instant noodles dangling from one of his hands. 

“Yes, our hero Lim Jaebeom! How’d you know we ran out of ramyun??” Bambam grinned as he stood from the floor, passed by Jaebeom to pat his shoulder in greeting, grabbed the ramyun, and ran to the kitchen.

“Yah, I’m still your hyung!” Jaebeom called out in vain and sighed at the lack of response from the younger menace. “So…? What did I miss?”

“Jinyoungie hyung’s gonna be my new sugar daddy!” Yugyeom exclaimed, his grin so wide it must’ve hurt. Jinyoung just rolled his eyes and thwacked the back of the young dancer’s head.

“I’m not your sugar daddy. I just decided to pay for your tuition because you lost your scholarship.” Jinyoung said for Jaebeom’s sake.

“Lost your scholarship? Yugyeom, what happened?” Jaebeom asked, and the young dance major tried his best to hold back his torrent of tears while he explained the whole situation again.

“I still can’t believe they’d say that to you, Gyeom.” Jinyoung added angrily after Jaebeom was updated.

“So how are you gonna pay for your own tuition?” Jaebeom asked. He couldn’t help but worry that Jinyoung was being reckless without a proper plan. “I know you make a lot of money from being imago and all, but tuition fees are no joke, Jinyoung.” 

“I’ll just do what I’ve been doing, hyung. The apartment’s already paid for and joint-owned under mine and Bambam’s name, and I’ve never used a cent from that bank account anyway. The sponsors haven’t backed out on my scholarship yet. And honestly, even if they did, I’ll just double my shift at the coffee shop and probably work on more art commissions. It’s not a big deal.” Jinyoung shrugged, and was about to stand up from the floor when he was tackled by Yugyeom.

“Hyung! Don’t overwork yourself, please! I wouldn’t want to add to your stress! I’ll look for a part-time job. I’ll pay you back every month!” Yugyeom exclaimed, tightening his grip around Jinyoung’s neck in his panic. Jinyoung just chuckled and patted the gentle giant’s back to soothe him.

“I won’t stress myself out, Yugyeom. Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to pay me back now. But consider this a favor that you can pay for in the future~” Jinyoung grinned.

“Why does it sound like it’ll bite me in the ass someday...” Yugyeom pulled back, and scrunched up his face in a small grimace. Jinyoung just chuckled, feeling light and at peace.

—

_“Congratulations, Jinyoung. You’ve grown into a remarkable man so quickly.”_

_“Thanks Papa. I’m a remarkable man because a remarkable pair of grandparents took care of me all these years.”_

_“You make me proud, son.”_

_Jinyoung’s smile stretched from cheek to cheek, his hands clutching the beige high school diploma to his chest._

_“Glad to know I didn’t let you down.”_

_“Jinyoung, you would never let me down.” His grandfather smiled and pulled him in for a tight hug, and Jinyoung felt his eyes water. “Won’t you reconsider…?”_

_“I have to do this, Papa. I promised myself that I wouldn’t be dependent on you and Mama anymore. I don’t want you to spend any more money for me. Please. The apartment in Seoul was enough.” Jinyoung tried to put on a brave front fitting for someone who decided to make a life for himself in the big city. He tried, but he couldn’t stop himself from burrowing further into the crook of his grandfather’s neck; he couldn’t stop his tears from falling on his grandfather’s soft red corduroy coat._

_“You’ll still paint? Even if you chose dance?” His grandfather’s hopeful tone only served to create even more cracks in Jinyoung’s façade._

_“Yes, Papa. Painting’s already a part of me. I can never let that go.”_

_“Then let me handle the paintings for you. Please, it’s the least I could do. Just keep painting and send them to me. I’ll put them up for auction in your name.” His grandfather pulled away slightly, his determined stare trained on Jinyoung. “I don’t want your art to die in Busan, son. I want to let it thrive. I want to give it life. I see so much potential in you, Jinyoungie.”_

_“Okay, Papa.” Jinyoung smiled and wiped his tears with the back of his hand. “But I don’t want to have it under my name, can’t it be under yours? You were a painter before…”_

_“No, Jinyoung, I would never claim your art as mine. Why don’t you give me a pseudonym to work with?”_

_“How about… imago?” Jinyoung grinned. “Jinyoung means portrait or image, right? Then let’s go with the Latin translation.”_

_“You really have an artist’s mind, don’t you, kid?” His grandfather matched his expression with a grin of his own. “It’s settled, then. I’ll keep at it until you meet your soulmate. When you do, he or she can help you decide what to do from there.”_

_“I’d rather just blind myself than meet my soulmate, Papa.” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and laughed. “I can’t live in a world like that.”_

_“You’ll see, son. You’ll live in a world with love instead.”_

—

**BREAKING NEWS**

31 July 2019

**World-Renowned Artist _!mago_ Donates to Charity**

World-famous painter !mago, known for posting marvelous abstract art pieces for auction every month, decided to celebrate the 5th anniversary since his debut today by donating to charity. He had announced through his official website that he will be donating 60% of his annual earnings to various charities, including **Another Way** , a charity whose main mission is to find good homes for stray dogs that deserve better care. This estimates to around **USD120,000.00** or **KRW140,000,000.00** donated to charity. (see p. A13 for more details…)

—

Whenever Jinyoung’s in a slump, he paints.

It’s his life, his passion. It’s definitely more than a hobby.

He started painting as early as he could remember, and he couldn’t imagine life without it. 

As he grew older, so did his brush strokes. Clumsy, chunky splotches of watercolor gradually bloomed into finer lines of orange, pink, and gold. Hesitant pastel shades slowly gave way to bold, bright colors that broke boundaries. The soft, light bristles were set aside to make way for the sharp, daring blade.

In high school, he decided to try painting with a cutter blade, and it just stuck. He loved how much definition the blade would bring to the canvas. The thinner side of the blade cut through the blues and whites to create a horizon, and the thicker side smudged the yellows to make the sun’s haze softer.

Jinyoung was always happy with his work, and proud when people decided to buy his pieces. He never wanted this to end.

—

“How do you deal with just black and white everyday?” Jinyoung asked Bambam from his place on the couch.

Yugyeom and Jaebeom had left 15 minutes before, the mustard yellow credits from the movie they all watched were still rolling on the television screen.

The younger just gave Jinyoung a bright grin from his spot in front of the coffee table. “I do see color, hyung. I see Yugyeom in color. That’s enough for me.”

Jinyoung frowned, his eyebrows scrunching up together. He could never understand how anyone could think like that.

Like there was more to life than seeing things in technicolor.

—

Jinyoung walked to his friends with a huge grin on his face. “Miss me…?”

“Hyung, finally! When you told us to wait for you to finish presenting your thesis, we didn’t expect to wait out in the open for _30 minutes_!” Yugyeom whined, pulling his emerald green coat tighter around his chest.

“Yeah, Nyoung. It’s the last day of school before winter break. Couldn’t you let us wait at the apartment or something?” Jaebeom added.

“Ignore them, Jinyoung hyung. Jaebeom’s just being the grandpa that he is, and Yuggie’s just staying true to his big baby character. So?? How did it go…?” Bambam interrupted, slinging an arm over Jinyoung’s shoulder and ignoring the whines of protest from their two other friends. Jinyoung couldn’t even be bothered to pay attention to their whining; he was just buzzing with energy.

“Professor Lee loved it!” Jinyoung said, and all his friends cheered.

“This calls for a celebratory bar-hopping night! It’s time to party!” Bambam yelled.

“Nope, we’re definitely eating dinner first!” Jaebeom cut in, herding their group of friends to their favorite barbecue place near campus. 

“I’ll treat everyone!” Jinyoung exclaimed. “Papa called a while ago and said that apparently some famous singer bought my paintings for the past three months, and even gave extra to guarantee that the next two months’ paintings go to him too...”

“Nice! I guess freezing my balls was worth it!” Yugyeom grinned, and Jinyoung slapped him on the shoulder.

“At least you know someone appreciates your art, right.” Jaebeom smiled, and Jinyoung felt warmth spread up to his cheeks at the thought.

“If you put it that way, I guess it makes me happy.” He chuckled.

“Jinyoung hyung? Happy…? Did you get a concussion while I wasn’t looking?” Yugyeom commented, mouth already stuffed with grilled meat.

“I’m not a robot, you ungrateful brat-!” Jinyoung rolled his eyes and jokingly made a stabbing motion towards Yugyeom with his checkered red and green chopsticks.

“There, there, hyung. I’d rather have my boyfriend in one piece before the holidays, thank you!” Bambam lifted his arms in an appeasing motion and ordered beer for all four of them. “Let’s just have a toast for the end of the semester and for all of our achievements, yeah?” He grinned, raising his beer bottle before everyone followed suit.

“Cheers!”

—

“Are we finally gonna call it a night?” Jaebeom grunted as he hauled a heavy Jinyoung beside him. They were in the middle of Hongdae, and all the eldest could do was follow Bambam’s lead.

“What? Hyung, the night just started!”

“Bambam, we just walked out of our 4th pub! And Jinyoung isn’t even awake anymore!” Jaebeom sighed, fixing his grip around the dancer’s waist.

“I _am_ hyung, I’m still… sober…!” Jinyoung lifted his hand to poke Jaebeom on the nose as if it would prove he wasn’t drunk.

“Stop being a buzzkill, hyung! Look, Jinyoung hyung and Yuggie are having so much fun!” Bambam giggled, pointing at Yugyeom whose face was practically glued to the glass window of an electronics store, the multiple television screens on display glowing in reds, purples, and yellows.

The three friends slowly walked towards the youngest, trying to call him back to the group.

“Wait, hyungs! Let me stay here for another minute, please. I missed the year-end music festival to hang out with all of you, so give me this! It’s almost Jackson’s turn to perform!!” Yugyeom pleaded.

“Jackson…? Like, Jackson Wang, your favorite idol?” Jinyoung mumbled, going in and out of consciousness.

“The one you have a shrine for at home?” Bambam added, snickering before dodging the incoming boot from Yugyeom’s direction.

“YES. None of you have even been to my house, nor watched the videos I’ve sent to the chatroom. You don’t get to judge me just because all of you have poor taste!” Yugyeom huffed, and trained his eyes back to the screen. “There! He’s going on stage! Oh my _god_! Look how attractive he is!”

Jinyoung rolled his eyes. He never really searched who this Wang person was, even if Yugyeom had been obsessed with the singer for _years_. He was pretty sure he wasn’t that good-looking. 

Just to indulge his fanboy of a friend, and perhaps because he was more than a little tipsy, he pulled away from Jaebeom to walk closer to the glass window.

And immediately regretted looking up.

In a sobering second, Jinyoung’s world crashed down on him.

The yellow streetlights,

The brown tree branches,

The midnight blue sky,

The annoyingly orange hoodie he told Jaebeom to get rid of months ago,

All the colors drained of their life, their vibrance.

Everything bled out, only to leave pale grays, hopeless blacks and blinding whites.

Everything except for the blood red hues projected from the television screen.

He found his soulmate. 

And his soulmate turned out to be Jackson Wang. An _idol_. Someone he could never talk to, let alone meet in person.

It hurt. It was like all the air was suckerpunched out of his lungs, and he was just left there bleeding – and letting the colors bleed out with him.

Jinyoung choked out a lame excuse to his friends and ignored their concerned voices. He bolted away because he didn’t know what else to do. 

He ran, and the wind gushing against his face dried the wetness that threatened to break free from his eyes.

He ran until his feet instinctively brought him back into their apartment. And the place that once comforted him with its vibrant colors now made him feel like he was living in a cheap black-and-white film. Gone were the cream walls and navy blue accents that made him feel like he was _home_.

In a fit of rage, he stormed into the art studio and hurled the nearest paint canister to the wall. 

When he wasn’t content with one, he threw container after container, frustrated tears trailing down his face, and screamed – because he couldn’t do anything but rip the canvasses of his unfinished artworks, throw his easel aside, and make a mess.

A black, _black_ mess.

_How, Papa? How can I live in a world of love?_

_When that world seems so out of reach?_

—

**You have three unopened voicemails**

_“Jinyoung hyung…? It’s Bambam. You haven’t come out of your room yet so I couldn’t say goodbye before my flight back to Thailand. Honestly, facetime me when you decide that I’m suddenly worth your time, aight? Oh- no wait, hyung. I didn’t mean that… I just miss you. Please call me back. Don’t make me wait until I get back from Thailand, ok? Love you, bye!”_

**You have two unopened voicemails**

_“Yah Park Jinyoung. It’s been two weeks! What the hell happened to you? Was it cause you were a stupid drunk again? Because we’ve all seen you drunk and we’re cool with it… But seriously. Surely you can tell me? We’ve been best friends for most of our lives! You haven’t eaten much, you haven’t been talking to us, you haven’t even contacted your grandparents! Call me back when you get your head out of your ass, and it better be in two days or else I’ll go there and whoop your ass myself.”_

**You have one unopened voicemail**

_“That’s IT. I’m coming over today. I really will strangle you!”_

—

Jaebeom barged into Jinyoung’s apartment, walking into a state of calamity. Clothes were strewn all over the apartment, the sink was piled up with unwashed dishes, and a trail of paint led to Jinyoung’s bedroom. He opened the bedroom door, letting light stream into the dark room, illuminating the current state of his best friend. 

Miserable was an understatement.

Jinyoung was cocooned in his blanket, looking like he hadn’t gotten out of bed in weeks. His hair was tousled, his bed sheets stained with paint, and his eyes devoid of any life. He looked like an empty shell – existing but not present, not _living_. 

It terrified Jaebeom.

“What happened to you?” Jaebeom whispered, trying to pull Jinyoung out of his blanket burrito, with a lot of resistance from the younger. Jinyoung was being stubbornly silent too.

“C’mon, Nyoung. I can’t help you if you hide shit from me.”

Jinyoung just grumbled in response.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

“I found him.” Jinyoung said a bit more loudly. His voice cracked when he spoke his next words, as though Jinyoung went through hell and back. “I found my soulmate.”

And he cried.

He couldn’t stop crying as Jaebeom pulled him in for a bone-crushing hug. He couldn’t stop himself from whimpering as Jaebeom started to thread his fingers through his hair to comfort him like how his grandma used to every time he had nightmares. He couldn’t stop feeling his anguish as he opened his eyes fully and saw grays, blacks, and whites over and _over_ again.

“What’s worse is, I can’t even meet him, hyung. It’s not like I can reply to his instagram saying ‘Hey, by the way, I’m your soulmate!’, right? Honestly, he won’t even check his dm’s, let alone reply.”

“Is it-”

“It’s Jackson. J-Jackson Wang…”

—

**BREAKING NEWS**

2 January 2020

**World-Renowned Artist _!mago_ , Missing in Auction?**

World-famous painter **!mago** , known for posting marvelous abstract art pieces for auction every month, had not set a painting up for auction last December. Speculation is quickly rising for the artist, as he has never failed to produce an art piece every month for the past 5 years. Reports claim that he has fallen sick, while some conspire that he has somehow met his soulmate. (See p. G7 for more details...)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A random little tidbit:
> 
> I decided to let Jinyoung use a blade to paint because my own grandfather used to do that too when he was younger~ I’ll attach a pic of one of his paintings when I find one to help you guys visualize what Jinyoung’s paintings would look like. :)
> 
> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter ^^


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I said I’d update it every week, but my head hasn’t been in the right state so I had to skip a week of updating. I’m so sorry if anyone was waiting for this!
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading this chapter too~ :)

As far as he was concerned, Wang Jia Er and Jackson Wang were two separate people.

Jia Er was the high school kid in him. He was the boy who had big dreams, aimed high, but knew how to ground himself. Jia Er was soft, easily shaken. He was sensitive and had the tendency to ruminate over the smallest matters. But Jia Er was the class clown. He knew how to make others laugh, and everyone genuinely enjoyed being around him.

Jia Er knew himself. His confidence stemmed from self-assurance and self-awareness. He knew what he wanted in life, and what he wanted _from_ life. 

Jackson was the one whom all the fans wanted to see. Confident, brazen, never afraid to say yes to a challenge. Jackson was the epitome of a performer. Someone who never rested until he could say that he gave his heart and soul into something he worked on. Jackson represented his passion and drive to do more, to _be_ more.

Jackson also existed to please everyone. His fans, his friends, his family, his management. Jackson followed orders, was shackled by instructions, and was weighed down by expectations. 

He knows that Jia Er and Jackson should have equal parts within him, but after years of sleepless nights, pointless variety show appearances, and rejected songs, Jia Er faded in the dark crevices of his mind to make way for Jackson.

There’s a reason why his fans called themselves Jacky’s, after all.

—

_“You sure you’re okay?”_

_“I’m fine, Yi En ge. I’m just… tired.”_

_“Ever since we came here, you haven’t called me by my real name. Something’s up, Jia Er. You trained under them for two years, debuted, and what has that gotten you?”_

_“I succeeded, Mark. I got my music out there, and it’s making listeners happy.”_

_“Sure, you’re famous now. You’re doing what you’ve been wanting to do your whole life, but at what cost? It’s been four years since your debut, and you’re just as tired as you were when you were a trainee. Maybe even more.. You fly to different countries every week, you don’t get much food in your system except for that stupid health shake, you barely get a wink of sleep-”_

_“I promise, I’m fine.”_

_“That’s bullshit, Wang. JEnt is overworking you, and I want you out before anything worse happens.”_

_“And then what? Where will I go? Stop talking like you know how I feel. You’d never understand, Tuan.”_

_“Then make me understand, or so help me God, I’ll quit being your manager.”_

_“Then quit. You don’t have to force yourself. Just leave.”_

_There were moments when Jackson’s whirlwind kind of life would bite him in the ass._

_This was one of those moments._

_He never felt so alone in his life._

_His family was far away, his best friend left him, he still hadn’t found his soulmate._

_His heart felt completely empty for the first time._

—

“You’re all I have left, Youngjae-yah~” Jackson lifted his beer mug in a sad salute to his colleague, his intoxicated grin not quite reaching his eyes like it usually would.

“You should just apologize to Mark-hyung. It’s been weeks since you’ve talked, and you can’t survive being manager-less for any longer. For what it’s worth, he _did_ have a point, you know.” Youngjae sighed, but he clinked their glasses together just to indulge the elder. “Lord knows why, but the company loves treating their best assets like sponges they can constantly wring cash out of.”

“Yeah, but I still owe a lot of who I am and what I’m capable of to them and their training. I can’t just leave like that. Can _you_? You’ve been a singer at the company for almost as long as I have.”

“I’d leave if you do. And I’d go wherever you decide to go, too.”

—

_“Mama, what’s a soulmate??”_

_“It’s late, Gaga. Go to sleep.”_

_“But you haven’t told me a bedtime story yet! And this time, I wanna hear a story about soulmates!”_

—

**You have three unopened voicemails**

_“Jackson, I got your text. I’m sorry too. I should’ve listened to you more and helped you feel understood. I think my worry just got to my head. I feel like shit for leaving you like that. Want me to come over for dinner and a romcom marathon?”_

**You have two unopened voicemails**

_“Jiajia? You haven’t been answering my texts and calls._

_Are we still on for dinner? Call me after your rehearsals, alright? See you later.”_

**You have one unopened voicemail**

_“Jia Er??? Are you ok? Where are you?”_

—

**BREAKING NEWS**

31 March 2018

**Jackson Wang, Rushed to the Hospital**

World Star **Jackson Wang** was reportedly rushed to **S Hospital** last night. Sources say he collapsed in the middle of rehearsals for his next world tour, which was set to kick off at the end of the month. Some angry Jacky’s have been leaving messages on their social media, stating that JEnt has not been treating Jackson well for the past few months, and that his hectic schedule contributed negatively to Jackson’s deteriorating health. Does this spell out another lawsuit filed against JEnt in the near future? (see p. E12 for more details…)

—

Jackson never paid much attention to the colors around him, really. 

Mostly, it’s because he knew they’d be gone anyway. He made it a point not to be too attached to the beautiful hues and mesmerizing combination of colors around him every day. They’d disappear eventually, once he laid eyes on the person he’d been waiting his whole life for. To Jackson, his soulmate took precedence over anything else. 

Though, there was one particular color he thinks he would miss.

Red was his favorite color; at least he could say _that_ much.

Every birthday, he would receive something red from his parents because _“red is a lucky color, Gaga”_ . His favorite sweater was red, his phone case was red, his pajamas were red, heck, he was even happy that his country’s _national flag_ was red.

Jackson also loved red because he associated it with love. He wanted to imprint that color in his mind so he wouldn’t forget what love should look like.

He didn’t want to forget that love should be a fiery crimson – an all-consuming heat that constantly brought something new in his and his partner’s lives. Love could be a harsh scarlet – full of pain but once understood and appreciated, could be breathtakingly beautiful. Love should be as deep as a dark velvet – warm, welcoming, and soothing.

For most of his life, red was the only color he felt was special to him. Until his father bought a painting created by an artist that eventually became his favorite.

_!mago._

No other art work spoke to him like how !mago’s art did. It only took one look at the painting hung on their living room wall for Jackson to fall in love with the bold yellow streaks across fine lines of blue, green, brown, and black. Any other person would only see meaningless lines across technicolored splotches of paint, but Jackson could talk anyone’s ear off about the narratives hidden between the fine strokes from the artist’s blade. He felt _connected_ to the painter in ways he couldn’t explain.

Ever since he first laid eyes on the artist’s painting, Jackson swore that someday, he’d be rich enough to buy out !mago’s whole gallery. !mago’s work served as Jackson’s inspiration to work harder and climb higher. All Jackson wanted to do was spend his money on this talented person’s art works. 

So, he did.

—

“You’ll be discharged soon, Jiajia.” Mark said as he helped Jackson take a sip of water. “You should call auntie to let her know. She’s been calling non-stop because she was worried about your lungs.”

“I will. I’ve always had weak lungs, but I didn’t think I’d get such a bad case of pneumonia.” Jackson smiled weakly at the older. “It’s been a month. I’m so glad I’m getting out of here. I need _real_ food.”

“You’re such a big baby.” Mark replied, laughing for a bit before his expression turned a bit more serious and contemplative. “The hospital’s not the only place you’re getting out of.”

“Mark–”

“Hear me out, Jackson. Let’s make our own label. We can totally pull it off, don’t you think?”

“... You’ve been planning this for months, haven’t you?” Jackson quirked an eyebrow, knowing all too well how Mark operated.

“Yep. I have a fool-proof plan.” Mark grinned and Jackson sighed, resigning himself to whatever it was that his best friend decided to do.

“Well, I trust you.”

“Great, cause I already started the plan last week, so I really wouldn’t take no for an answer from you.” Mark’s grin widened, and he pat Jackson’s shoulder good-naturedly. Jackson huffed in disbelief.

“What did you do, hyung?”

“I pulled you out of JEnt, separation fees and everything. It’s okay, they allowed me to pull you out without much of a fuss because I threatened to file a lawsuit. Joke’s on them, though. I’ll file one either way.” Mark shrugged nonchalantly, as if he didn’t break a sweat dealing with their company management. Jackson just chuckled in disbelief.

“I… Thanks, hyung.” Jackson held onto Mark’s wrist in gratitude. “And hyung? I’m so sorry.”

Mark just smiled as if their fight hadn’t lasted for weeks. “You know I can’t stay mad at you for too long, Jackson.”

Jackson breathed a sigh of relief and bit his lip, his eyes starting to get glassy with unshed tears.

“So are you up for a comeback soon? I was planning to have a full promotion once our company gets up and running, but you’ve been off the stage for too long, Wang. Aren’t you a bit rusty?” Mark grinned, offering a challenge that he knew Jackson wouldn’t back down from.

“I’d never be rusty, Tuan.”

—

December had always been a busy month for Jackson, ever since he debuted.

His schedules tended to pile up with year-end music festivals, award shows both in Korea and overseas, and red carpet appearances where he would mindlessly smile and wave at flashing cameras. It was at this point in his hectic life when Jackson always found it difficult to distinguish the blurred lines between one day and the next. Everything just blended together into the chaos that was his schedule. As each December passed, Jackson felt his sanity inch closer and closer to breaking point.

Fortunately, Jackson wouldn’t have to reach that point anymore. For the past two years, his Decembers consisted of helping Mark put up their new music label, letting his creativity flow freely, and visiting his Mama and Papa in Hong Kong. This year, though, Jackson agreed to finally appear in a year-end music show. His fans had been sending him numerous messages and gifts that conveyed so much love and understanding during his break, and he wanted to let them know that he was doing well and keeping healthy.

The Inkigayo Music Festival was on a Friday, so quite a number people were out celebrating _something_ – be it for the end of the semester, payday, or just for surviving another week – which meant that the traffic was horrendous. Jackson was eternally grateful to Mark for deciding that the first thing they should do for Team Wang was to purchase a company van and hire a trustworthy driver. If he had to drive in this sea of cars for hours by himself, he would’ve gone crazy.

Being chauffeured around Seoul, however, meant that instead of focusing on the road to the television station, Jackson’s thoughts wandered to the upcoming performance. This was his first performance after the whole fiasco that occured after recovering from pneumonia, and he could feel the warring apprehension and exhilaration clawing up his throat. His mind was full of _what if my voice doesn’t sound the same anymore; am I still cut out for this; will people still support me; I love my job; I missed performing so much_ up until the car slowed to a stop in front of the looming SBS building. The driver wished him luck, and Jackson smiled brightly in response as he alighted from the van.

One of the production staff informed him that he would be the last to perform to give him time to warm up and prepare. He had two year’s worth of practice to catch up on, after all. He spent the next few hours relaxing and warming his throat up as much as he could. And then, he was called to the stage. If he felt jittery all the way up to the backstage wings, his pent up tension and apprehension bled out instantly the moment he stepped foot on the stage. The squeals of his fans hit him full-force, and their energy never faltered even until after he finished singing _Bullet to the Heart_ and _On the Rocks_.

It was at this moment when he realized who he was meant to be. It took a hospitalization and a grand intervention for him to come to his senses. But now, he was sure that he was Wang Jia Er, the man whose confidence flowed from within.

He felt like he was floating on cloud nine as he walked back to his waiting room. He was about to open the door when he felt a chill run up his spine and a sinking feeling weighing on his chest. He coughed, suddenly finding it difficult to breathe, as if all the air was suckerpunched out of his lungs. He’d never felt anything like this before. Clutching at his chest, Jackson wondered if he got sick again.

But if he was sick, then why did he feel so inexplicably angry, hopeless, and devastated?

—

“Wait. He stopped putting paintings for auction?? What do you mean, hyung?” Jackson’s panicked face wasn’t really a good look on him. His eyes were wide, his hair disheveled from the countless times he tugged it or ran his hands through it. Jackson couldn’t help it; !mago was his muse for as long as he could remember, and the painter’s disappearance made Jackson feel so _… lost_.

“I mean he stopped painting, Jackson.” Mark gave his best friend a sad, empathetic look. “I wish I could help you find some answers, but no one really knows how to contact him.”

“It’s ok. He probably doesn’t want to be found.” Jackson mumbled, feeling his chest tighten even further than it had already been for the past week – this time with pain and longing. “Well the least I could do is to dedicate some songs for him. As a tribute, you know? Like a proper send off that a man of such talent deserves.”

“So you’re ready to launch Team Wang after fixing our shit for so long?” Mark slung his arm over Jackson’s shoulder to console the younger. “It’s your new beginning, Wang.”

“Better not keep the fans waiting, then.”

—

 _Man my vision is blurry_

_I know you out of my zone girl_

_Me captain, you are my ferry_

_Now sailing all alone girl_

_My life is blindfolded locked up in your shadows_

_I told myself that I’ll be okay_

—

**BREAKING NEWS**

13 January 2020

**Jackson Wang to Have a Thank You Showcase**

Well-known idol **Jackson Wang** announced his first concert since he went on a long hiatus two years ago. The singer took a long break after having been confined in the hospital for pneumonia. He took this time to recuperate and come back stronger than ever, separating from JEnt and putting up his own company **Team Wang** with his manager-turned-business-partner **Mark Tuan** . It was also reported that famous ballad singer **Choi Youngjae** signed with Team Wang after his contract with JEnt ended early. Since Team Wang’s creation, Wang appeared briefly in the 2019 Ingkigayo year-end music festival. Wang released an EP last week with two titles – **Okay** and **Oxygen** – to celebrate his comeback after a two-year drought, and the concert was prepared as a thank you for the successful promotion period in its wake. (See p. E4 for more details…)


	5. Chapter 5

_“Just go to them, Jinyoung-ah. They deserve an explanation from you. They’re worried sick. You promised to go home to them for the holidays.”_

Jinyoung sighed as Jaebeom’s voice rang in his head. It seemed he couldn’t escape his friend’s nagging even when he was already boarding the train back to his hometown.

He was nervous, and rightfully so. It wasn’t everyday that he’d go back home to his grandparents, tell them he was gay, and on top of that tell them about his soulmate, who apparently was a lost cause from the get go.

He felt the tension deep in his bones even as he slid his house keys in to open their door.

Then, he felt all the tension vanish as his grandparents both pulled him into a warm hug. And when he told his grandparents everything that transpired for the past two months, he felt the weight fall off his shoulders. His story was met with understanding and acceptance, and Jinyoung never appreciated his grandparents more than in that moment.

“You aren’t disappointed? That I’m gay o-or that my soulmate is a man?”

His grandparents shared a meaningful look. Then, his grandfather pulled Jinyoung to the patio and motioned for him to sit on one of the chairs as he sat in the other with a contemplative sigh.

“I never thought I’d ever let you know about this, but you deserve to know the truth, son.” His grandfather said as he looked at Jinyoung with the same sad smile he gave Jinyoung all those years ago.

“I deserve to know what, Papa?”

“Your grandmother isn’t my soulmate, Jinyoungie.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. He couldn’t believe his ears. “She’s not?” He asked, still in shock.

“No.” His grandfather shook his head slowly. “My soulmate was a man.”

Jinyoung gasped, his mind whirring with all the implications. “What? But why… Why would you marry Mama if you weren’t soulmates?”

“I love your grandmother. I loved her enough to marry her. I _still_ love her enough to choose to stay with her ’til death do us part.” His grandfather smiled fondly. “But she was not my soulmate, no. My soulmate was my best friend, my childhood friend. We knew we were each other's soulmate the moment we met in kindergarten, and we couldn’t be separated from each other ever since.”

“What happened? How come I’ve never even met your best friend, Papa?”

“Because we grew up, and realized we had to follow family tradition. We were fresh out of college, and our parents knew we were soulmates. But we had to get married to keep the family lines. I loved him, and he loved me. But we had to stay best friends, and both agreed that we should never see each other again after our weddings.”

“So you don’t know where he is right now?” Jinyoung looked up at his grandfather with a pained expression.

His grandfather shook his head.

“I pray that destiny be a lot kinder to you than it was to me, son.”

—

His grandfather’s revelation haunted him until it was time to go back to Seoul. His papa suffered alone all this time just to fulfill his duty to their family. Weirdly enough, their conversation helped Jinyoung somehow come to terms with the fact that his dreaded day had come and passed. It helped him pick up the scattered fragments of his heart and begin to stitch it back together.

He decided that his first step to healing was to learn more about the person tied to him by destiny.

The week before the new semester started, Jinyoung’s search history was filled with Jackson Wang. He learned everything there was to know about the idol, watched variety show appearances, listened to his songs, and looked through his live performances. He still hadn’t left his room, but Jaebeom would visit once in a while to make sure he ate his meals. 

He loathed to admit it, but he started to actually _enjoy_ listening to Jackson’s songs. He still hated that he had to suffer because of him, but at least his songs were great and his voice had a nice tone to it. He felt a bit obsessed, but he just wrote it off as his new coping mechanism. After all, this was his only chance to see a glimpse of vibrance again.

Only, all he could see was brown hair, lightly tanned skin, and red, red, _red_ .

_Why are all his outfits red?? Does he not know any other color_?

His Jackson Research for the day was interrupted by the sound of his bedroom door opening.

“Hyung, you better get your ass out of bed. _Right. Now._ ”

Jinyoung looked up from his phone screen to see Yugyeom towering over him and closing in to pull him out. He still felt a little lethargic, so he just let the younger drag him across the apartment. Where, apparently, all his friends gathered, looking ready to go out.

“Miss me?” Jinyoung said with a weak grin, and his friends just rolled their eyes in response.

“Go wash up and get dressed, hyung. You look like you haven’t showered in _days_.” Yugyeom ordered, his face scrunched up in mild distaste.

“He doesn’t just look like it, Yuggie, he _really didn’t_ shower for days.” Bambam sighed dramatically, pinching his nose for additional flair. Jinyoung stayed silent, but decided to leer at him in response before he shuffled to the bathroom.

He felt like an asshole, and he probably _was_ being one, especially to his younger friends. He couldn’t find it in himself to explain what had happened to him for the past few days, and he knew he was being unfair. But in all honesty, part of the reason why he didn’t tell them was because they were just so _happy_. They were happy about their relationship, happy to get used to the bleak kaleidoscope of grays, blacks, and blinding whites.

He didn’t think either of them would truly understand what he was going through; would feel the painful sting behind his eyes each time he searched but turned up empty-handed, hoped but never expected.

Each time he looked, but never _saw_.

Jinyoung turned the shower knob to the hottest setting, and the scalding heat on his skin served as a reminder that he was alive – that he could still feel despite the numbness eating away at his core.

Mostly, it served as his punishment for himself.

Punishment for making his friends worry about him too much, for giving up too easily, for letting the numbness take over.

Maybe it was punishment for loving the colors _too much_.

He sighed, towelling off as he stepped out of his self-imposed hell and into a brighter state of mind. And as he dressed up, he finally came to terms with everything. He would apologize for being a jerk for the past weeks, tell them everything that happened since he went off the radar, and they would have a great time tonight. It had been a while since they hung out and had fun together, and he slowly started to get himself to look forward to it. He went out of the bathroom in a noticeably better mood, and his friends welcomed it. It was as if he hadn’t ignored them all this time.

“It’s about damn time, hyung.” Bambam grinned. “I missed annoying the hell out of you.”

Jinyoung moved to reply, an apology and explanation already at the tip of his tongue, when the youngest interrupted him.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re sorry for being a jerk and you’ll make up for it, etcetera. We _know_ , hyung, and we’ve forgiven you already.” Yugyeom chuckled, slinging an arm around Jinyoung to pull him out of the apartment, blatantly ignoring Jinyoung’s glare for cutting him off. “So let’s not waste any more time cause we’ll be late!” 

“Late for what?” Jinyoung asked, raising his eyebrow.

“For only the best concert in the world. You’ll thank me later!” Yugyeom giggled, clearly excited.

“Gyeom, whose concert?”

“Jackson Wang’s, _duh_!” Yugyeom said, rolling his eyes.

Jinyoung froze.

Right. They didn’t know. He still hadn’t told them. 

“No.”

Yugyeom’s eyebrows scrunched together, stopping in front of the elevator.

“No, what?”

“No, I’m _not going_.” Jinyoung shook his head, already turning to go back to his apartment. “Go have fun without me.”

—

_“Jaebeom hyung, his newest release sounds so sad…”_

_“Apparently, his two new songs were dedicated to someone who inspired him to be an idol, but suddenly disappeared from his life. I guess it would sound really sad if that’s what it’s about.”_

_“This someone must’ve been so important for him to write such heavy lyrics. He- He’s probably swarmed with so many high profile people...”_

_“You’re a high profile person too, you know.”_

_“Yeah, but not a lot of people know that. He doesn’t know that. Who am I to him, right?”_

_“What are you getting at, Nyoung?”_

_“What if… What if he was my soulmate, but I wasn’t his?”_

—

For the second time that day, Jinyoung was dragged out of his warm blanket burrito.

“Let go of me, Bambam. I don’t want to go and you guys can’t force me to.” Jinyoung said, tugging away from Bambam’s grip with a determined frown set on his face.

“You have no idea how hard Yugyeom worked the past three weeks just to tell you that he bought your ticket with his own money.” Bambam turned around and looked straight at Jinyoung’s eyes. His expression was one Jinyoung had never seen on his younger friend - a mix of anger, concern, and desperation. The artist couldn’t find it in him to keep resisting.

Eventually, Bambam dragged him back out of his apartment to their friends who were patiently waiting by the elevator. It was apparent that they hadn’t left that spot since Jinyoung stormed off thirty minutes prior. Jinyoung found it difficult to breathe as he locked eyes with Yugyeom.

“Let’s go, hyung. Please? Just this once, let us do something for you. I worked every night just to buy you a ticket.” Yugyeom frowned, looking like he was about to cry. “I just wanted to cheer you up, hyung. Why don’t you want us to help you?”

Jinyoung bit his lip, not knowing what to do.

Jaebeom moved to stand in front of Jinyoung, finally speaking for the first time that day.

“Tell them, Nyoung, before they come up with all the wrong reasons for your asshole-like behavior these past weeks.” The eldest sent a pointed look his way, and motioned with his chin as a gesture for him to speak up. “Please. I don’t want you to keep ruining your life like this.”

Jinyoung let out a shaky breath and looked up at his youngest friends, both expectant but patient.

“He’s my soulmate.” Jinyoung whispered, feeling the crushing weight of his situation all over again. “Jackson-ssi is my soulmate.”

Suddenly, he felt a pang in his chest because they were giving him soft stares, filled with understanding. It made him miss seeing the browns in his friends’ eyes.

“We don’t have to go if you don’t want to, hyung. I was gonna feel hurt about it, but you’re more important right now.” Yugyeom said in a serious tone as he pulled the older in a hug, Bambam silently joining in after a few seconds. Jinyoung felt the constricting grip on his heart loosen up, feeling the most _right_ in weeks. He exhaled after a deep breath, and with it came all his troubles, worries, and frustrations.

“It’s okay, Gyeom. Let’s go. You did all this to cheer me up, right? You know I can never say no to you.” He let a small but genuine smile adorn his face for the first time in a while.

—

The minute he stepped into the concert hall, Jinyoung felt like running back out. 

He’d never been to an actual concert before (his friends liked reminding him that _concerts for classical instruments weren’t actual concerts, hyung_ ), so it was all a bit too much for him to handle. Yugyeom, it turned out, had saved enough money to buy them Standing VIP tickets, so the four of them had a good view of the whole area. The stadium was full of people holding banners, organizing their merchandise in their canvas tote bags, and checking if their light sticks were working properly.

He couldn’t see what color the lightsticks were projecting, but they were probably red.

Jinyoung was about to sneak out of the hall when the lights suddenly dimmed, and all he could hear were the deafening screams of excitement from all the fans. 

The show officially opened with Jackson singing his newest song _Okay_ , and Jinyoung closed his eyes, immediately getting lost in the sound of the idol’s rough baritone. It was as if the days of getting to know Jackson Wang, albeit through his phone screen, were culminated into this very moment. Like something clicked in Jinyoung’s mind, and everything fell into place. It still hurt, but another feeling settled in his heart that he couldn’t quite place yet; not as far as a declaration of love, but a certain nagging feeling was definitely there – he could _feel_ it. Maybe someday, he could learn how to get used to it being unresolved.

Jinyoung couldn’t even remember when the tears started to fall. He’d never felt more hopeless than he felt at that moment.

_Am I really destined to look at him from this distance?_

Before he knew it, Jackson started on his next song, the bright lights trained on him.

_I’m topless, walkin’ to the front line with no ammo._

_I know I might get shot, but I still go through._

After listening to all of Jackson’s songs, for the past week, _Oxygen_ was definitely his favorite. Jackson’s voice sounded so pure and raw, and this song was what made him start to like Jackson’s work.

Jackson started walking closer to the crowd from his position at the main stage.

_Live of you, live off you_

_‘Cause you’re mine_

_Oxygen_

_Live off you, live-_

The fans around him all looked at each other in confusion as their idol suddenly stopped singing, his back-track awkwardly playing in the background.

Jinyoung hurriedly wiped his tears off and trailed his eyes to the stage, confusion muddling his brain too.

And then everything made sense because in a blink of an eye, their gazes were locked onto each other. It was as if, at that moment, only the two of them existed. 

_“I-I’m sorry, everyone. I think I just saw my soulmate.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :^)
> 
> And so, they finally "met". :-)
> 
> Get ready, cause the next chapter's gonna be longer than usual! :))
> 
> The fic's about to end soon, and I'm just really grateful that you guys have been following this until now. <3 Leave a comment about your ~feelingz~ about this chapter, I really look forward to your reactions!! Hopefully, I'll post the next chapter next week!


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